Dads and Doulas...

[Beth]

t used to be that when your wife went into labour, you drove her to the hospital and then retired either to the hospital waiting room to sip bad coffee or to the local pub to gulp a few pints of ale. When it was all over, you would sit at your wife's bedside, where she would be pleasantly coiffed and wearing her pearls and lipstick. She would show you your new baby - bathed and diapered, tucked into the cradle of her arm.

Suddenly, a revolution erupted. Men wanted to be more involved in their partners' pregnancies; they wanted to watch their children be born, and most importantly, women wanted their spouses with them in the delivery room. Television and stories paint beautiful pictures of husbands and wives holding each other through waves of labour pains, whispering "I love you" as the baby crowns, and both eagerly caressing their wet and wriggling child as she is laid on her mother's chest.

What about those partners who aren't entirely sure what happens in labour? Sure, they know that a baby comes out from down there, but what does it mean when the doctor says, "Mom is fully effaced and baby is at + 2 station"? What do they do when their labouring lovely looks them in the eye and asks them to explain what their care provider just said? What about those caring dads who want to do anything they can to help their loved ones in pain, but don't know where to start?

The Western world has come a long way in preparing men to assist in childbirth: there are prenatal classes for couples, Mom "n" Dad lactation courses, parenting handbooks for fathers and even "sympathy bellies" - tie-on contraptions that allow men to feel the weight and awkwardness that their mate is experiencing while carrying their child. However, no matter how many times you thumb through What To Expect When You're Expecting, you never really know what to expect!

For men who want to provide their companion with every possible comfort, a doula can provide reassurance and education.

Doula (pronounced "doo-la") is a Greek word that means "women's servant" or "slave". In the past twenty years, it has come to describe a person (either male or female, although the majority of doulas are female) who assists people with pregnancy, birth and postpartum issues. Labour doulas specifically work with individuals during their labour and delivery. She helps the couple create a birth plan (basically, a "game plan" and "play book" for birth) and answers any questions they may have about giving birth (at home, at a birth centre or at the hospital). The doula will spend the length of the labour with moms and dads, helping the mother to cope with labour and assisting fathers in supporting them.

Doulas have been specially trained to understand what happens medically, psychologically, and spiritually during labour and birth. Their goal is to help families achieve the best birth possible for them, with an emphasis on safety, empowerment and love. Doulas don't replace dads - in fact, they work hard to ensure that a woman's partner is her best comfort. Imagine someone who can decipher the doctor's medical terms...someone who can provide moral support while the midwife is busy catching the baby...someone you can turn to when you are at a loss and say, "Help!"

Some men feel threatened by doulas because they worry that they will lose their place helping their significant other give birth. Doulas understand that no one is more special to a woman than her soul mate, and so they suggest different positions, breathing patterns, and comfort techniques that men can help their partners with.

When a woman looks back on the birth of her child, she doesn't always remember the touch of her doula or the sound of her doula's voice - she remembers her partner's hands in her own, his whispers in her ear, and his comforting presence...and that is a doula's dream come true.

- copyright 2008, Beth Murch. All rights reserved. Duplication without express written permission of the author is strictly prohibited.